How to really tell the truth

By Eyvonne On October 8, 2012 · 13 Comments

I hear it in my tone as the words leave my mouth, “You never put the lid back on the milk and put it away!” It’s not just an admonition, but a stab and I see it on his face. My words have wounded again.

The TV is on in the other room. The kids are watching Drake and Josh on Netflix and I hear a cleverly crafted jab from the little sister to the bigger brothers. Faux tv laughter crescendos as the last barb is delivered. My kids giggle.

Photo Credit: Andrew Taylor (Creative Commons)

We live in a tear-down world. We see it in politics, music, reality TV, and our Facebook news feeds. It’s at break room lunch tables and in cubicle conversations. The art of the clever putdown is a marketable skill. We’ve grown so accustomed to snark that we don’t recognize encouragement when we see it. An honest compliment is met with hesitation, a pause anticipating the punchline.

A week ago, I resolved to go one day without making a negative comment about another human being. How hard could it be? The morning drive was enough to demonstrate that I had taken on a task bigger than I was prepared to accomplish.

Modern use the word ‘encouragement’ evokes negative pictures for me. I see velvet-tongued motivational speakers with their carefully crafted catch phrases. I think of books with peaceful covers and curly script. I think of tv preachers with painted-on smiles that prompt you to “speak a blessing” into someone’s life. I wretch.

I long for a better word, one with more grit and substance. Real encouragement is not rainbows and unicorns. It is not formless mush intended to create a false sense of confidence. Encouragement speaks the best truth about an individual. It calls forth real talent, skill and accomplishment. It sees good in someone they may not yet see in themselves.

I resolve today to take the risk to see good in those around me. I will speak it aloud in front of others, not as a form of flattery but of ultimate truth-telling — honoring the Giver of every good gift.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
(Philippians 4:8 ESV)

Linking today with Emily and Jennifer

Holly

The truth, wrapped in love, is a gift. And every created being deserves it. Joining you, friend, in proclaiming this the Year of Veritas.
joy

I have often thought I’d like to be one of those ladies who “never spoke a bad word against anyone” that folks talk about at funerals. For me, it’s an extremely lofty aspiration but you inspire me to give it a whirl!
- http://www.eyvonnesharp.com/ Eyvonne
  
  Lofty indeed. One that I’ve failed many times over. Grace abounds, thankfully.
http://www.facebook.com/libby.hatfieldrosengren Libby Hatfield Rosengren

Love this Eyvonne!
- http://www.eyvonnesharp.com/ Eyvonne
  
  So glad to see you hear Libby! Thanks so much for stopping by.
messymarriage

You are so right, Eyvonne. Encouragement is both kind and comforting words but also speaking the truth in love to those we love. I was talking to a friend about this last night. I miss that in some of my friendships–both ends of the spectrum of encouragement. It takes courage and vulnerability to go to those places in our friendships but it is so very much needed. Thanks for this insightful post!
suzy

I loved reading your words today. I love your definition of encouragement!
http://asoulriver.blogspot.co.uk/
Jerri Miller

Good words … I think encouraging someone is believing they can accomplish what God has planned for them. Encouraging them to believe that they can do all things through Christ.
Tara_pohlkottepress

yes! “intended to create a false sense of confidence” – this is so right. it doesn’t have to be sugary, it needs to be real. I also tried to do one day of no negative comments. I learned that most of mine are in the implied category, i wouldn’t say something negative but…. that hanging statement, saying all that negativity without a sound.
- http://www.eyvonnesharp.com/ Eyvonne
  
  The dreaded conjunction.. but. I’ve done this more than I would like to admit. Thanks for joining in the conversation Tara.
http://www.redemptionsbeauty.com/ Shelly Miller

I did this as a discipline during Lent one year, spoke out the nice things I think about people but often don’t share with them. It was a transformative experience for me and them. Enjoyed this post.
- http://www.eyvonnesharp.com/ Eyvonne
  
  Yes Shelly. It’s eye opening when you try speak only uplifting things. Transformative is the perfect word!
http://www.facebook.com/kellibecton Kelli Parker Becton

great post – love the “I wretch” part – lol – and yes, it is a tear down world – even within the Christian community – encouraging others and believing they can accomplish what God has planned for them – through Christ (words from jerri miller below) Love!