What makes friendships last

We sat at the wrought iron table with condensation dripping from our glasses. She commented on the length of my hair and said, “The last time we met you were pregnant.” The baby is two and a half.

“Has it really been that long?” I asked.

Photo Credit: Denise Krebs (Creative Commons)

The conversation meandered over the past 3 years. I talked about leaving our church, starting a new one, moving to a third. I didn’t realize how tumultuous the last few years had been. My steakburger with swiss was nearly uneaten when I looked at her and said, “I’ve talked the whole time. What’s up with you?”

She talked about her family, a son in his sophomore year of college. Strains from the economy, her new business, her husband’s job had all changed since our last meeting. There was so much to cover.

When the hour was up we made a list of topics that would wait until our next visit: mutual friends, plans for the future, new projects.

By some definitions, we’re merely acquaintances. Our lives intersected around a mutual friend four years ago. We live in different cities, attend different churches, have children in different phases of life. We have spent less than a dozen hours together over lunch.

Yet, I have missed this.

Walking to my car at the end of the day, I thought about how full I felt. It had been wonderful to listen and be heard, to share a bit of my life with an outside observer who doesn’t know all the faces, who doesn’t have their own angle on my story.  I listened, affirmed, and acknowledged — it’s been hard.

An empty place inside was full, a place I didn’t even know existed.

As my heels clip-clopped on the brick walkway I wondered, “Is this, in a small way, what it’s like for people who don’t know God? They go through their life with this big empty hole that they don’t consciously know exists?”

Yes, maybe so. But the more I thought about it, I realized the Christian faith is about more than relationship. It’s about rebirth. It is about more than empty places being filled. It’s about peace when you’re empty. It goes beyond feeling good about what you’ve done today, to knowing that everything that really needs to be done has already been done in your place.

When I think about my friend, I know it’s this common belief that binds us together, regardless of the length of time that passes or the changes that happen in the interim. We have been irrevocably changed by Him. And one day, the passage of time will no longer matter.

Linking today with Emily at Imperfect Prose.